How Motherhood Changed My Marriage (and What I’m Doing About It)

Before Kids, We Were Spontaneous and Sexy…

Becoming a mom is the biggest blessing of my life. I have two hilarious, wild little boys under five who constantly keep me on my toes. #BoyMomLife

But if I’m being real — I do miss the relationship my husband and I had before parenthood. We were fun. We were spontaneous. We took last-minute trips to other countries. We walked out the door without a second thought. We had regular date nights. And yes, we had sex and often.

Now? It’s a little different.

Wishing for Days Off… and Then Wishing for Space

Lately, I catch myself counting down to my husband’s days off so we can spend time together as a couple and as a family. But then, when things don’t go exactly the way I envisioned (cue the toddler meltdowns and chaotic mornings), I sometimes find myself wishing he’d just go back to work.

I started noticing how much I was nagging.
“Get off your phone.”
“Can you spend more time with the baby?”
“Why are you playing video games again?”
“Don’t give him so much screen time”

And honestly? It didn’t feel good. For either of us.

The Shift: Focusing on Me (and My Kids)

So I stopped. I stopped trying to control his every move. I stopped measuring his parenting against mine. I stopped keeping score.

Instead, I’ve started focusing on my own growth — and the relationship I have with my kids. Here are 5 things I’m doing differently that are helping me feel more grounded and fulfilled:

1. Letting Go of the Urge to Change Him

I married the man I love — flaws, quirks, and all. Trying to “fix” him wasn’t helping either of us. Letting go of that need has given me space to be more present and less frustrated.

2. Exercising for My Mental Health

Not to lose weight, not to impress anyone — just to feel like myself again. A walk outside, a 20-minute Peloton workout… it makes a difference in how I show up every day.

3. Breaking Up with Doom Scrolling

He might still be on his phone a lot, but I don’t need to match that energy. I’ve started catching myself before I mindlessly scroll, and choosing something more intentional.

4. Learning a New Language

I have such a passion and interest in the Spanish language. Every time I squeeze in a lesson, it’s like a little gift to myself. It keeps my mind sharp and gives me something that’s just mine.

5. Journaling for Gratitude and Reflection

This has become my daily ritual — a few minutes in the morning or evening to jot down what I’m grateful for and reflect on how I’m feeling. It’s helped me stay connected to my emotions and track my personal growth.

The Bottom Line

Marriage after kids isn’t always glamorous — it’s messy, loud, and full of compromise. But it’s also full of love. I’m learning that I can’t control everything (even though my inner SLP type-A self would love to try). What I can control is how I show up in my own life.

And for now, that’s enough.